Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
