im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You can't motorboat a personality
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
