She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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