Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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