i already hear my dad disowning me
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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