Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Who died my cat blue again?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
