I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
