i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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