Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Randomize
