im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I've blown a few things in my day
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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