I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
