so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
