Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
