I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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