I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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