i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
