I'm eating all of the evidence.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
