her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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