The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
