i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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