i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
false alarm, still single
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