Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
