Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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