All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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