if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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