Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
