I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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