Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
No subtext here. People are naked.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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