last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
one might say we're banned from that church
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Randomize
