He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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