3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
