i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
