I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
