Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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