I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
