If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
