how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
