Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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