what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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