What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
