Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
