ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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