highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
