someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
