It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Randomize
