Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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