Porn is love you can see.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize