the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
3pm strippers are depressing
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize