i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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