he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
