grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
