Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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