my mouth tastes like poor choices
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
