no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
