Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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