bring money and cleavage
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
