3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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