He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
