we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
