I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
