like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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