Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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