dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
