Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
