She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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