omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
