She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
