I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
