Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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