i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
