that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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